zaman menjeruk rasa

Bismillah..


i can't sleep.all i do since got back from my friend's house is crying.Seriously,i felt so weak right now.

dan aku tak salahkan sesiapa untuk kelemahan ini.it comes from me,myself.susah nak cakap,tapi kalau ini yang Allah nak bagi,makanya,dipaksakan jugak hati untuk terima.bukan ini yang aku minta dalam doa setiap hari.

ia bukan apa apa sangat.cuma kami sudah terlalu jauh.jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh sangat sampai kalau diukur pun,boleh habis tali tape satu India ni.

:|

being sad is not a crime kan?and i just don't understand why people see crying as a weakness.sebab bagi aku,maybe itu satu jalan keluar ke arah yang lebih baik.

oh lupa.manusia sekarang memang judgemental tak tentu pasal.

aku sekarang dah tak pandai nak tunjuk emosi.kalau dulu,bila marah selalu hempas pintu,tapi sekarang dah kurang.kalau dulu,kalau nak nangis,mesti akan tak kisah kalau orang lain nampak,tapi sekarang tidak.

senang cakap;

sekarang zaman memendam rasa,menjeruk jiwa.

....

dan ya,aku ini memang sudah tak diketahui dalamannya.nak cerita pun payah.nak cakap dekat orang lain semua masalah pun memang mustahil.because they are too busy to notice kan?so,what's the use of telling?is it for the sake of spilling or what?kalau bila cerita tu lagi buat kau derita,susah hati.atau spilling moment tu buat kau lagi rasa nak terbit serlah airmata,baik tak payah.

because of all matters,Allah knows better.

kalau nak spill kat kawan-kawan pun,habis payah sekerat aje yang keluar.selebihnya airmata.tu pun kalau ada yang sudi tadah telinga.

:|


...

sekarang memang susah nak cerita apa apa dekat sesiapa.bila ada datang bertanya,aku jawab biasa biasa aja.nanti panjang cerita.


but there is someone yang suka suruh aku spill.ayat dia;

"spill.sepatah sepatah"

or

"cerita la.spill"


but dia tak pernah nak tadah semua benda yang aku spilled.

kalau yang macam tu,aku memang rasa nak tendang dia ke laut.tau?

...

my last resolution was calling my sister.

dia tanya;

"ada hempas pinggan sampai pecah?"
"tak"
"ada hempas pintu sampai berdentum?"
"tak"
"habis tu,macam mana?"
"selalu nangis dalam bilik air aje"
"then you are a fine lady now.tahniah.anda dah dewasa."
"aaaaaaaa"


terkedu.

...


dan bila fikir balik,betullah.

aku dah tak payah masuk kelas anger management macam yang abah selalu cakap tu.

sebab;

sekarang zaman menjeruk rasa.



ohsorandom:crying wouldn't make things better,but it makes u feel better.

life,i guess

Bismillah..


u know.there is always something between the lines.

and this time,i supposed it is a real thing.haha.look at me.i'm rambling all the shits in this blog again.okay.enough.malas nak kotorkan blog ni dengan makian yang tak sepatutnya.

i want to see somebody right now,but that person is just unreachable.kita memang dah terlalu jauh kan?


...


"i once asked,for you to care,now that i'm gone,would be that aware?"


...

fix me

Bismillah..


balik dari hospital.penat..rasa macam nak terus tidur.tapi..


i came to a conclusion that i need some ideas right now.i switched on my iPod and randomly pick a song.

and among the thousands songs in it,i choose...


Fix You;Coldplay.


and my heart skips a beat.because the lyrics are all true.acececece..

"...And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you..."


....

it's the when-you-lose-something-you-can't-replace part yang make me feel like crying just now.

ohsorandom:siapa kata budak cengeng tu dah hilang.ade je...

biasan

Bismillah..


demam dah kebah.dan aku tarik balik tulisan aku dlm post yang lepas.sebab;

1.housemate aku ADA buat sup ayam panas yang ada kentang.
2.housemate aku ADA jeram kepala aku yang panas dengan air asam jawa.

hihi.


aku dah habis sumber bacaan.sila tolak buku pelajaran dan tafsir kejap.dan tilik kebosanan aku sekarang.

:|

sekarang memang zaman orang lupa janji,kan?maklumlah,sekarang zaman busy,zaman teknologi.blahhhh..as if orang tu sibuk sangat la kan.



whatever.i couldn't care less.
.......

my sudden sickness reminds me of my parent.a always have them in my mind,since all i got to do was lying and rolling on the bed.and it makes me think what would happened to myself when my parent are not here with me anymore?the answer is easy;

a complete disaster.

i just can't see myself living without them.because all these years,all i know is;

"abah,nak beli baju ni.cantik tak?"

or

"maaakkkkk..teringin nak makan laksa la."

or

"abah....jom pergi jalan-jalan"

or

"maaakkkk,sakit gigi!"


this happened on last March,when i even called my mom,in the middle of the night,just to say.."mak,sakit gigi!"..then i hang up.she called me back and i cried and cried until my mom said;

"dah la tuu..jangan nangeh.esok pergi jumpa doctor".


and that's it.i stopped crying and went to sleep.


see,they have a really,really big impact in my life.

but i think most of us have this kind of influence kan?

.....
tapi;


kita merancang,Allah yang tentukan.biar hebat macam mana pun rancangan,kalau Allah kata;

kun fayakun..

maka jadilah ia.

Allah knows better.

demam

Bismillah..


semalam dah jadi lagi teruk.aku rasa aku demam rindu la.tapi tak tahu yang mana satu.dan yeah,memang tak seronok bila dah besar.kau demam pun,takkan dapat dah sup ayam panas ada kentang.tak ada siapa tolong jeram air asam jawa atas dahi.sekarang dah tahu kenapa aku suka jadi budak kecik.


...



mak,nak balik.

:|

post bodoh

Bismillah..


waddehel.ape ni.ape ni.tension gila siot sekarang.


kenapa?

bayangkan la.mana tak tension.aku tidur pukul 10 mlm(awal gile okay awal gile).bangun pukul 6 setengah(cuti2).lepas tu nasib baik dah jadi rajin iron baju tudung semua before tidur,sebab yelah,nak tidur awal kan.

bangun,mandi,pergi beratur tunggu bas yang macam siot,sebab ramai nak mampos.muka kembang kempis dengan harapan dan keyakinan memang takkan tidur dalam lecture sebab dah tidur awal.

tapi...


straight 4 jam aku tidur dalam lecture hall.siiiiooootttt...waddehel.ape ni.ape ni.

ah,nak tengok nur kasih.kot kot hilang tension.nanti ah aku elaborate kan lagi.babai.

inside

Bismillah..


mode:tired gila weyh



first;

yang ditulis ini memang keluar dari hati.so,no heart or hard feelings,okay?


okay.

tengah kecik hati dengan banyak orang sebenarnya.memang bunyi macam;
"alah,benda mudah pun nak ambik hati"

but hey,i am a human too okay.jangan lupa tu.ingat hati kau aje ke yang kena jaga?

second;

saya sedang terbang di awangan.dan akan jatuh pada bila-bila masa saja.jadi tolong lah siap sedia tilam segala.nak jatuh sangat2 dah ni.


:[


third;

my other half is not my other half anymore.hoi,dah lupa kat aku ke?



ohsorandom:saya makin malas.tapi dah vow nak jadi rajin.hailohhh

this is incredible

Bismillah..


mode:biasa.



baru selesai main mercun.as tomorrow is Diwali in India,so,kitorang pun ikut enjoy main firecrackers and segala macam benda lagi la.heh.gila.i still can feel the sounds,the heat and the noises.people are screaming everywhere.haha.


sometimes,when other people smile,you'll feel like want to smile jugak kan.contagious betullah.heh.

ouh,i heard several lame issues just now.nay,if you,people,want to say anything behind my back,go on.i have no heart to blame you.you have the rights to do that.and guess what?it's not even my business.kutuk sampai mulut kau berbuih.keji la sampai bibir kau terjuih.aku heran apa.Allah lagi tahu semua.


:|


and yeah.do you know,what it feels like to do something yang...erk...yang tak disengajakan?omo..otteke..

maybe i should shut up and forget bout it.ngeee...


my other half,i miss you macam orang gilak okay.i'm not berkira or what,but hey,sometimes please give me a call or ape.jangan diam macam dah tak ada.last last aku jugak yang kena sambung talian India ke Sarawak.kejam seyh kau,my other half.asyik-asyik aku jak.huh.


okay.malam ni kena tidur sorang2.nadh pergi JASSI.padan muka kau ayam.




ohsorandom:i wonder why people keep on repeating the same mistake,but never ask for forgiveness.

changes

Bismillah..


mode:erk..happy?


JASSI.

tak jadi pergi.i am going to MYSORE instead of MANIPAL.

jadi,weekend ni masa untuk riang ria gembira raya.yeeeehhaaaa!

as if aku tak ada benda lain nak kena baca la kan.as if aku ni ambik course melancong sana sini.



ohsorandom:siapa siapa yang murah hati,tolong la derma satu canon d20 kat aku.

tiada tajuk:1

Bismillah..


mode:relax


it's been a week since i first started with my second year.i'm getting used to the busy routine everyday.but sungguh.rasa nak putus urat aje bila kena jalan sana sini dalam hospital tu.

dah macam-macam benda jadi.nak cerita semua pun susah.but to those yang repeat paper,jangan risau.kami tunggu korang.keep on praying and hoping for the best.Allah kan ada.

:)


this weekend maybe akan pergi Manipal.ikut program JASSI.at first,i was kind of excited lah jugak.but then,after i give it the second thought,macam penat la pulak.adoi.tapi,diikhlaskan jugak hati untuk pergi.manalah tahu lepas ni tak boleh pergi ke ape kan....

so,there's nothing much interesting today.except for going to McD untuk 2 hari berturut-turut.ah,see.dulu dah cakap nak diet.serious.tapi siapa suruh buat McD dekat sangat dengan kolej?tee hee..good girl.now i'm blaming other people for my own fault.haha.

and oh yes.my other half yang dekat sarawak sana tak bagitau khabar berita langsung.heh.mesti aku jugak yang kena call dia.asbestos betul.hyaluronic acid punya budak.

nasib baik aku sayang kau,tahu.




ohsorandom:i wonder what is happening to me,sebab dah dekat sebulan tak nangis.budak cengeng tu dah hilang ke?tee hee..

walaweh

Bismillah..


"...all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here..."






You and Me from Lifehouse.it just keep ringing in my head.


sometimes,the things you want to avoid,become things that you miss the most.

check this out.you might want to avoid this.

Bismillah..

mode:tired

have you ever encountered a person,who is soooooo stuid,by letting go all the chances he/she gets in her life?



i've found one.erk...many.

the auto drivers.

who the hell are they?special sangat ke sampai kena mention dalam blog?wanna know why?okay.i'll tell you why.

they are soooo stupid,that they eventually create a strike,in order to protest against India government's decision to increase the tax.they fooling around,by driving their 'precious' auto here and there.but they refuse to take passengers to any destination.and if they agreed to,you,the passenger have to pay rs100 to go to the college,which is not more than 4 kilometres from your house.i mean...wth..rs 100 is equivalent to almost rm 10.(i can buy other good things with that money).and don't they think that they are risking their own life.sebab daripada buang minyak,masa,tenaga,and duit untuk hu-ha hu-ha sini sana just for the sake of the strike,baik lah kau ambik penumpang.at least dapat jugak duit nak tampung makan anak bini yang asyik duk mintak sedekah sini sana.Plus,Depavali dah dekat.cari la duit lebih nak raya kan?hishh..



so,because of that stupidity that they own(now u proud of yourselves huh,auto drivers?),i have to take the bus to get back to my house.omaigod!i can't believe that.is it me or other people,who just got into the bus,which is full of people,which likely to be (smelly?)?.and one of my friends tried to ask for a ride from an auto drivers,who parked his "oh-so-grand-and-so-comfortable-auto" behind us.but all he said was;

"WE ARE ON STRIKE.BLUWEEKKKK"

WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!DIA INGAT MUKA DIA HENSEM KE BUAT BUNYI DENGAN MUKA-KONON-COMEL MACAM TU.

at last,all he get from my friend is...

the f word.haha.served you right mister not-cute-at-all.

and some of you thought that i am so lucky because i got to study abroad.mind you,it's might be lucky if you go to Australia,or Europe,but not India.

not that i'm not being grateful,but hey,just try to put yourself in my shoes.then you'll know what it feels like to be in here.

okay.i'm done with the merapu-ness.


ohsorandom:sometimes you ask for something,but you get another thing.life is unfair.learn to accept this.please.

pen off.

kenapa aku cakap kita tak sama

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

mode:go forward.

i made i mistake today.i should never try to think of something that would never came into reality.haiyooohhhh!how i wish i can turned back the time.

*diam*

dan hari ni,aku belajar sesuatu yang lama,tapi saja tak mau mengaku yang aku dah tahu.

"kadang-kadang,apa yang kau harapkan tu,memang takkan dapat sampai mati pun la"

kau tahu,aku dah banyak kali lalu celaka-celaka macam ni,tapi aku tak pernah admit.because i still hope for the better things in the future.tapi tak penah jadi.dan sakit yang aku rasa,bila benda yang kau taruhkan harapan tak menjadi,akan jadi kuasa dua.atau maybe kuasa lima.but hey,life is not a life if all things going smooth.kan?but then,kalau dah asyik bumpy 'mumpy' aje,penat lah jugak kan.tsk.

*diam lagi*

tadi keluar pergi beli buku segala bagai.sampai sekotak buku tu...ada lah habis dalam rm700.entahkan baca entahkan tidak.harapnya bacalah.kalau tak,memang tempah maut sendiri la.hehe.syirik gila!

dah.sudahla.malas nak bising sangat.

updates

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim...

yes.i'm facing one of those hectic days of my life right now.seriously tired.yang ini bukan main-main.sungguh!

raya tahun ni raya yang best.kenapa? :D diamkan aje lah.

sekarang ni,manusia manusia yang aku letakkan dalam senarai kesayangan aku dah bertebaran ke seluruh ceruk dunia.gerun bila aku fikir,yang kami tak lagi budak-budak.gila.macam baru semalam main baling baling marker sesama sendiri.

but life goes on.that's the fact that you can't denied.