back

you know,
all i want to say is that i have been away for too long,

cause at the end,
it's not our shiny little scalpel that saves lives,
it's Him.

and i am not your superhero.
He is.

this rain,will it stop?

i like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.
i like riding my scooter alone, and walking at the park alone.
i like eating alone, and listening to music alone.
it gives me time to think, to set my mind free.

and i love playing in the rain alone.

but when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with her best friend, i realize that even though i like being alone, i don't fancy being alone.

the sky is beautiful, but the people are sad.

i just need someone who won't run away. someone who will stand with me in the rain, and smiles while watching me being the silly me.

"Rain always falls so it will repeat again..When it stops, that’s when I will stop as well"

menemui ayahbunda

kalau diingatkan tentang saya--

fikirkan di mana ditinggal saya;

bersama serangga-serangga kecil,

bersama matahari yang tak mongil,

bulan yang tak mau memandang saya,

semua yang tak mempeduli saya.

di mana ayah

di mana bunda

di waktu saya meminta?

dengan membayangi suara anak yang dibuangtepi, dengan seolah mendengar mereka membisik pada sang ayahbunda yang membiari mereka terbiar situ. tulisan ini terlalu picisan dan mungkin tak mengesan apa2 dan s

iapa2. cuma semoga, datang hari, habislah binatang

kita dalam diri ini.

yang di atas ini adalah cebisan puisi Fynn Jamal tajuknya Menemui Ayahbunda.ada kawan-kawan aku kata kak Fynn kalau baca puisi,macam orang gila.menakutkan,dan tidak masuk akal.tapi aku peduli apa.selagi otak aku boleh relate,aku dengar.

"And when the female (infant) buried alive (as the pagan Arabs used to do) shall be questioned: (8) For what sin she was killed? (9)"

at-Takweer ; 8 & 9.

dan lepas posting O&G di India ni,mana-mana doktor yang maklumkan ibu ayah tentang jantina anak di dalam kandungan,akan dikenakan tindakan.lepas delivery aja doktor boleh bagitahu jantina baby.

dan aku pernah saksikan sendiri seorang ayah,yang di awal proses delivery,semasa isterinya masuk ke dewan bersalin,berubah watak.

dari seorang yang gembira,tidak sabar mahu memegang bayi sendiri,kepada seorang yang membenci anak sendiri,dan isteri yang penat bertarung melahirkan seorang bayi PEREMPUAN.

hanya disebabkan bayi itu perempuan.

dan di kalangan keluarga aku juga,ada yang tak boleh melahirkan.aku nampak derita dia,bertarung emosi untuk boleh melahirkan.masih gagal sampai sekarang.yang berdoa berusaha siang malam,tidak dikabulkan permintaan nya.

yang tidak mahu tetapi boleh melahirkan,tidak pernah minta,terus dapat.

dan hasil dibuang di mana-mana.lantai,longkang,jalanraya,tong sampah.

benci.sungguh aku benci.

p/s: ini jadi bila aku buka berita online di pagi-pagi hari.to wake up and reading such unpleasant news is horrible.and knowing that such things happen in your own country is horrible times 2.

bye.

reminder

"to hate others is ugly.to hate yourself is uglier"

Hlovate;aA+bB

pengajaran dari drama 1

from best friend to biggest enemy.how cruel love can be.

just like this

you are like a happy kid,running toward toys and sweets.how wonderful it would be to have someone like you by my side.

sorry it's my blog so i can write whatever i want

Track: It's You;SUJU

replaying this song again and again and again.we have come to this point.after this,how could i be able to hear this song and smile?

the broken promises

Track; Jar of Hearts;Christina Perri

"Who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms"

sadly,those frustrating emotions are coming back to me,now that i'm not busy anymore.i shouldn't listen to this song.

i blame Arif Jo for making me listen to this song again.cisssssss...whatever.

oh,SECRET GARDEN 2011 IS DONE!and Aaron performance was AWESOME!i miss the old him who used to sing stupid and silly songs for me.those nice,simple stupid songs played when we were in an iStore.good old days eyh.

*okay kalau dia baca mesti terharu.kahkahkah*

menangis sekaranggggggggggggggggggggggg.

okay.all i need is a good rest.i'll wake up at 3pm tomorrow.kekeekee

back to you

Track: Fiction;B2ST

this is how my iTunes works right now.

and this is how i feel.since past few weeks.i don't know how this happened.must be the aftermath of the break up.

Have you ever had that feeling?

It’s painful…

Everything suddenly changes. Friends start avoid you. They ignore you all day, and find other people to hang out with. They talk about you behind your back, all of the bad things about you, and never the good. They don’t realize that they mean so much to you, and that it kills you so much inside to see what’s happening, and why. You hide your feelings, and act like everything is alright, but it isn’t.

because everyone stops to ask,but never waits for the answer.

i smile like an idiot when i'm talking to you.

Track: On Rainy Days;BEAST

God knows how many times i listen to this song.it probably will take over F(x)'s Danger in my most played song in my iPod.blergh.

nothing much to say.

oh,busy days are here. Saturday is here.i'll be busy till next Saturday,which is the day Secret Garden 2011 will be held..and thank god,my ophthalmology presentation got postponed by Dr. Jude. but it will be on this Monday.not nice a feeling,knowing that i'll be the only person presenting the slides on Monday.but,whatever.

and this is for whoever felt left out by me.or abandoned by me.i didn't meant to.i'm just busy with everything.

and you know there's more than just mere phone calls and messages.we don't really need it,do we?

the truth is..

Track; I Like You The Best; BEAST

You can be the chills that i feel on our first date

those one line is equal to my heart.and the track too.o yes.i'm up for those mushy,cheesy lines.kekeke

mimpi

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Taylor Swift; Enchanted

aku terkesan dengan dua ayat terakhir itu.sungguh sungguh.kerana itu yang aku fikirkan,selepas berakhirnya 26 September 2009.

p/s: nurul mazni mazlan,i miss u too.

in my hopes

"At night when the stars light up my room.I sit by myself,talking to the moon.Try to get to you,in hopes you're on the other side talking to me too"

Bruno Mars: Talking to the Moon

yang aku ada,hanyalah cinta

"bila mana yang hanya aku mampu beri hanyalah cinta"

* sudah mimpi siang malam.terasa melayang atas angin begini,memang haru.

anak kecil yang pemalu

kesayangan aku nombor satu sekarang.uh,dia kesayangan semua orang di rumah.si bongsu.umur tujuh tahun.emak kata,dia ikut langkah aku.bising,kuat makan dan kuat tidur.betul dan tepat.emak memang hebat.

Destiny

"our destiny is God's will.whatever will be,will be."

patah tumbuh hilang berganti

"untuk setiap kali yang engkau diranapkan,jangan hentikan maafkan.patah tumbuh hilang berganti.kita manusia,memang akan diganti selang seli kan dengan manusia yang lainnya.itu,perubahan yang tidak mahu tidak,terpaksa engkau paksa relakan"

notakaki; kehilangan itu mesti.wajib.

refresh

Bismillaah..

people tend to forget,once they get comfortable with other things.

CYNICAL but TRUE.

p/s: have you recite your prayer for Gaza today?

credits to THIS

lupakan

Bismillaah..

"bila engkau pergi,bulan dan bintang tetap masih di langit.

bila engkau pergi,air mengalir takkan berhenti."

true.no matter how life is treating you,you have to realize that losing someone/something is not the end of your world.

it's your world,you decide how to live on.keep the chin up,and walk on.

untung,betul aku untung

Bismillaah..

"benci aku seadanya sedang kamu masih mampu"

ayat paling tajam pernah aku dengar sepanjang tahun 2010 ini.terima kasih kerana menyedarkan,bahawa sesungguhnya,kebencian itu bukannya perlu aku letakkan sesuka hati di dunia ini.sebab hukuman tidak dijatuhkan atas dasar paradigma pemikiran manusia,tapi ditentukan oleh Ya Rabb yang satu.

terima kasih pada manusia yang bersusah payah mengirim sebaris ayat penuh pengajaran hari ini kepada aku.

untung aku,engkau ada.