jealous people are irrelevant.

being accused of wasting government's money for no obvious reason.what is wrong with you?some people just can't stand the fact that i'm better than them.not trying to act good.and not trying to praise myself over here,but seriously?asking me those kind of questions are rude.

do you even know what the heck am i facing over here?all those sleepless nights just to get good grades and survive in this field? and it's medic. one of the toughest courses in the world. not a mere simple field like what you've been into. come on. you just saw me posting about the kpop stuffs,my outing/vacations pictures on facebook, and then poof! you judged me like you were some kind of gods or something? duh. go and look into a mirror.

and i was tired of being asked if i studied hard enough for the exams. come on. which one you think is clever? getting a good grade after being 24/7 in front of your books and notes, or getting a good grade after watching tv series/movies? the later seems better,isn't it? not that i think that watching movies is good, the point is, IT DEPENDS!

and in this field,good grades are bonus. knowledge and skills are what we doctors should have. and manners! yes. and that's my friend,is something you can't get when you didn't interact with people much, which leads you to be this kind of terrible person.

i'm removing you from my friend list.that way,both of us will be happy. i wouldn't need to see,read, or hear your rubbish questions and comments.and you don't get any sins from being jealous of me. bye.

dashi dorawaaaa

Track: The Great Escape; SNSD

new song.electrobeats.or whatever they call it.i don't care.

during this particular event,i learned something new,and of course,through the hardest way.

never,ever,ever, trust someone who does not trust you.never ever.

because you'll ended up being a stupid person,in front of the others.believe me.

i don't know if i'm the one being over sensitive or what,but i don't think this is fair enough for me.you don't freaking give chances for me to prove myself,to prove my abilities.it's all about you,you and you.but you know what?i don't give a damn about it.you can keep going with everything.your fake smiles and everything.

and prove me i'm wrong about you.not that it will changed anything.heh.

okay i'm done with my so-emo-words.

sorry.

p/s: contengan jalanan belum habis baca lagi.blerghh

is that you,AzianHana?

Track: EVERYTHING THAT CAN BRING ME BACK TO MY OWN LIFE.

seriously."I Spit On Your Grave" is a very,very scary movie.i don't even know how a chicken like me dare to watch that movie.it was all Mayam,Teen,Effa,Hana,Bett,Uniq's fault!!they made me so curious about the story.and i end up watching it with Effa tonight. AT NIGHT! AT NIGHT!

gosh.

i just can't believe it.

and now i think i'm gonna have some nightmares tonight.i better go and neutralize everything with Korean stuffs. so,here's another reason why i need to watch Adam's couple again.

bye.

the day i found myself

Bismillaah..

salam and greetings to all.

i'm supposed to be busy like a bee.i have lotsa works to do.i have tons of words and sentences in the books,waiting to be read by me.i have few thousands papers to write on.and yet,i found myself typing these words out of my head.

sigh.

i sensed something weird about me now.

when other people are worried and stressed about the study,i can just smile and sit and doing nothing.for example,my classmates were very furious and worried about the Patho test last few days.they were studying like mad.and kept on saying;

"takuttt nya!tak habis baca lagi!"

and i just..smile.despite the fact that i haven't read any single lines of the topic.not even a word.seriously.i'm not kidding.i plainly studying the topics on respiratory system,just few hours before the test,which is likely to be from 11 pm to 1.30 am.and..that's it.

i don't know what my marks would be.i don't even care about it.

and surprisingly,i don't feel like worrying over my marks.this may be a bad sign.i felt bad.i felt like i'm doing the wrong thing[ayam,kau memang tengah buat salah].

=.="

but the good thing is,i'm alive.and i'm still having my emotions.kalau dulu every time nak test mesti rasa macam zombie.rasa tak puas hati dengan diri sendiri.

i wonder,am i doing the right thing?ke aku sepatutnya hentak kepala kat dinding macam zaman sekolah menengah dulu?

*smile and went back to sleep*

sedikit dulu

bilamana yang hadir itu cuma bayangan kamu,aku jadi diam di situ.terus seperti batu,menunggu dipecahkan manusia lain.

punya sangat banyak kisah untuk dikisahkan,cuma sekarang diserang selesema dan sakit kepala.dan ujian Patho yang akan menyusul lagi 3 hari,buat aku sakit jiwa raga kepala semua.tinggal dulu dengan yang sedikit-sedikit ini.

jaga diri :)

combo

Bismillaah..

esok dapat exam combo.nak tau apa?

Viva(bukan kereta Viva perodua tu) Pathology,Theory OBG and Theory Pathology.

i'm not a hardworking student and i'm way too far from being a genius.so please pray for me.hai rimaslah banyak exam ni.

expressing myself

Bismillaah..


i don't know why,but somehow i found that i don't know how to express my feelings anymore.there are times when i feel so sad,but i couldn't even shed a tear.and i also felt happy for past few days,but i barely talked about it to others.it's like i'm shutting everything near me.it's like i'm building a wall up against me.a wall that keeps me away from others.and of course,literally.not physically lah.

even today,as i walked past something that really made me wanna jump with joy,i just stood and stare at it.and do nothing.not even a smile.but i was laughing inside.

then again,i got angry at one of makhluk Allah ni.but all i did was..diam.diam as in buat macam biasa.selalunya,mesti akan hempuk buku ke,apa ke,saja tunjuk protes sikit bagi orang tu tau ak marah ke apa.but this time,no.i sit there and be normal.

i really don't know why.

part of me want to believe that this is a good thing.at least i won't make any fuss about tiny little thing that made me upset,happy or whatnot.

but another part of me really feel..uneasy?weird?it's like i'm not myself.and that,is not a good thing.seriously,if i don't even know myself,then how my life will be?

*diam*



it's okay.i'll figure it out later.now i really need to get a good shower.

soalan mudah

"kenapa di sini,mengapa kamu?berubah.berubah.berubah."

dalam aku,memang ada satu side yang kadang-kadang,aku sendiri tak faham.kau faham ke ni?

pfttt

Bismillaah..



hari ni,hari aku bermasam muka dengan diri sendiri.depan cermin.

mood aku hilang.buat-buat tak kisah,tapi membawak sampai ke malam.

nak ditambahkan perisa,laptop dengan handphone buat hal.merajuk meragam.jenuh aku pujuk,tak mau2 elok.lepas tu,dalam kepala mula la timbul;

"Macbook Pro dengan Blackberry sound promising kan?"

Macbook Pro pernah beli.sayang.jodoh kami tak lama.2 minggu beli,hilang lesap dikebas pencuri.

nak kata apa.diam aja lah.dah takdir mau dibawak lari.

tapi aku kenangkan plan bulan 9 dengan bulan 3 tahun depan.jadi aku duduk diam2 fikir dulu.ni sekarang ni,fasa berfikir.bukan fasa melulu dan terus jadi ligat.kata dah besar.kan?

dan ah,manusia.

aku tak tahu nak rasa apa bila ada yang ungkit pasal blog aku.nak marah,tak boleh.nak suruh dia,tak sanggup.aku senyum.paksa-paksakan.biar biasa.supaya hati semua boleh terjaga.kan bagus macam tu?

and no,i'm not being cynical here.

dan ada lagi.

aku nak tanya,betulkah,yang perasaan suka tu,boleh hilang kalau jauh di mata?

macam kita nampak gambar orang tu,kita makin hari rasa makin suka.kalau tak nampak taklah sekronik mana.

betulkah?

and no,i'm not refering to myself.ni ada orang suruh tanyakan.dia tak ada blog ataupun facebook.maka,aku kena suarakan.

haa,siapa tau,jawab sekarang.

wrong moves

Bismillaah..

i am someone with many words.i'm loud.i'm bold.yes i am.but when it comes to identifying my own fault,i could be someone yang tak seorang pun akan faham.

i'm not being stubborn or what,but i could have my own say in my life.even it means to hurt the feelings of the people whom i love.right?and i,have the rights to say things i wanna say,but the decisions are always yours to make.so please.don't blame me for everything which went wrong.it IS at your own risk.face it.jangan tau nak salahkan manusia lain aja.okay?

you can hate me.or get surprised.or anything.i won't care.aku akan duduk diam macam tunggul kayu bernyawa kat sini.

kan dah cakap,si hati kering is back?so beat it.

...


i hate it when firefox started to create problems.it will get stuck at every second,and after each click,it will be delayed like 1 or 2 seconds.or is it my laptop buruk ni yang buat hal?

or is this a sign yang i should get myself a new Macbook ke ape?

and that,will really make me as a gadget freak.even mak pun dah bebel bout my fond on gadget. dia cakap aku perangai tak macam perempuan.eh,tak cukup perempuan lagi ke saya ni,mak?

=.='

no worries.takkan beli nya gadget ke hape dalam masa beberapa bulan ni.because tengah berjimat untuk simpan duit for vacation bulan 9 ke 10 ni.

...

ada satu manusia send satu lagu ke inbox.tak payah di elaborate kan siapa.

tengok tajuk lagu pun dah tau;

I Don't Wanna Know; Mario Winans.

enough said.as if i care to study the lyrics lah kan yang kau bagi aku lagu tu.macam aku takde kerja nak layan kerja gila kau lah kan.i have Clinical Surgery book to read.so thanks,but no thanks.

...


rindu tetiba nak drill basket tetengah malam ni.agak-agak kalau pecut Rodeo pergi court tetengah malam ni,kena ketuk dengan kawan2 kat sini ke tak eh?

serious gatal tangan ni.rasa macam dah licin aje sebab tak pegang Spalding oren tu.lama tuuuu.dekat sebulan jugak dah ni.


dah.tadi sebenarnya aku nak tulis benda lain,tapi aku tahankan dulu.nanti ada jugak yang hantar virus ke inbox aku.heh.

eh?

Bismillaah..


weird.strange.

out of blue,you're gone.where's the fire lah mate?

look,the birds are flying

Bismillaah..


esok test patho.zzZZZZzzzz.

i just love today's weather.warm enough.and my house has this strawberries.so i dipped them into melted choc.and that's it.juadah petang bersama housemates.haha.

gambar takde.malas nak upload =.='


ah ah.ada cerita best.ada kolam renang yang BESAR di apartment aku ni.semua gembira sebab akhirnya,boleh swimming ramai2 dalam tu.but,there's one problem.baru aja dapat tau tadi.

kolam renang yang BESAR itu hanya boleh digunakan oleh 2 ORANG SAHAJA pada satu2 masa.

which means,kau tak boleh berenang secara berjemaah[okay,boleh.tapi 2 orang aje.lagi 10 orang sila tengok sambil tunggu giliran =.=']

see.i told you India has these freaking weird rules,and of course made by their people.huh.


tapi aku kisah apa.aku nak jugak terjun ramai2 dengan geng2 aku.takkan la guard tu boleh drag kitorang keluar dari pool tu kan??

haha.sekian entry bosan di petang hari pada hari Ahad yang murni.

and then i fall

Bismillaah..

"jasad kita memang dah sedia jauh.tapi apa hati kita juga akan makin jauh?"

taktau salah siapa.taktau apa masalahnya.kita cancel aja semuanya,boleh?

=.='

?

Bismillaah..


Azian Hana,kenapa mesti sedih,setiap kali nampak nama yang sama?

emo

Bismillaah..


banyak benda kena fikir.banyak perkara kena kira.banyak hati kena jaga.banyak pros and cons yang mesti dicaturkan sekali.banyak mata2 memandang.banyak mulut berbicara.banyak perasaan yang kena akui.banyak orang dah tanya2.banyak pressure yang kena tahan.banyak kerja kena buat.banyak masa kena ambik.banyak.banyak.banyak!!!!!

don't make me puke with all your words,boleh tak?at least,bagi chance untuk orang lain berfikir.this is not just about your life.it's about mine too.

emo.sampai malam agaknya.dah.nak tidur.

retak

Bismillaah..

confused
marah
pelik
senget
haru-biru
cuak
sedih
rindu

nak sua muka.face to face.mai la kalau berani.

=.='

p/s: abaikan.penulis tengah weng sekarang.

terpinga pinga

Bismillaah..


sekarang,tiba2 termasuk mode "azian-hana-dah-terhilang-akal-waras-sekejap"

love...is strange,ey?


this song describes the current situation.precisely,i think.

HUNDRED; The Fray

The how I can't recall
But I'm staring at what once was the wall
Separating east and west
Now they meet amidst the broad daylight

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

It's hard I must confess
I'm banking on the rest to clear away
Cause we have spoken everything
Everything short of I love you

You right where you are, from right where I am
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

And who's to say it's wrong
And who's to say that it's not right
Where we should be for now

So this is where you are, and this is where I am
So this is where you are, and this is where I've been
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred

p/s: tolong abaikan mende alah merapu yang ini.penulis sedang terpinga-pinga jugak sebenarnya.ceh.

mari ber-analogi

Bismillaah...



the futsal was awesome.sumpah serious best tahap ape aje tadi.


....


okay.analogi;

kau nampak nama seseorang depan mata kau.
kau rasa nak tegur.tapi kau jadi macam kaku.

kau fikir dua benda aja;
"kejap lagi dia kata apa pulak?"
or
"apehal tetiba ni?"


lepas tu kau duduk diam2 tak buat apa2.

dua tiga minit lepas tu,bila nama dia hilang,kau macam....

nak menangis?



okay.sekarang cuba bayangkan kalau ada orang yang nama dia dinampak itu,kau.apa kau rasa?



p/s: analogi di atas tak ada kaitan dengan sesiapa.saje bosan2 nak buat analogi macam tu.

east and west

mak tanyakan sesuatu.

kalau takmau jawab,boleh tak?

choices

Bismillaah...


mode: Awaken; Maher Zain


malam ni tidur lambat.akan tidur lambat.sebab laptop sudah kembali sihat.boleh menyambung UNTOLD[dengan hebatnya,harap-harapnya lah].

ah,bercakap tentang tidur.semalam aku mimpi.pelik.sangat pelik.

i slept at 7.30 pm yesterday,i don't know why,since i don't have any posting or whatsoever.padahal comm med aje pun semalam.after sembahyang maghrib,memang flat terus.but,i did wake up at 10.45[sebab Nadh terjaga jugak].then again,at 12 am[yang ni bagus,bangun terus sembahyang Isya'.haha].lepas tu,pukul 2,30 pagi,again.tapi sambung tidur,ignoring the fact that i haven't study anything for my pharmacology seminar.then,jaga betul2 pukul 5.30 pagi.

apa kau melalut ni ayam?

ouh,just nak cakap,aku mimpi yang amatlah pelik sekali.

macam2 masuk dalam mimpi.mula2 ada family.then ada kawan2.then ada seniors waktu dekat SEMESTI.lepas tu ada paragliding lah,terjun dekat pelantar minyak yang ada taman bunga lah.siap jawab pasal kelajuan ribut and kedalaman laut segala.

the best part was,when my sister and i,saw a snake.and that snake bite me.then that snake went to eat another snake.but somehow,my sis and i took that snake,and strangled that snake.SAMPAI MATI.astaghfirullah al azim.serious merapu mimpi kau,ayam.

and tengahari tadi call mak,and i spilled the story about my dream to her,but all she said;

"haaaaaaaa...ada la siapa2 tu nak masuk minang pulak."


aaaaaaaaaaa.bila ayat2 pasal kahwin ni nak berhenti menghantui hidup aku pada masa2 sekarang?ah seriously.even mak pun.okay,nama pun mak.obviously lah kan.

=.='

padahal tidur lupa nak basuh kaki dengan baca doa betul2.mestilah mimpi macam2.plus,i also went through all the pictures of my vacation tu Manali.so,that's why lah ada mimpi pasal paragliding.muahaha.mak lah punya pasal ni,sibuk nak gambar pergi bercuti.kan dah sampai masuk dalam mimpi[okay.jangan salahkan mak kau,ayam.dosa.dosa.taubat sekarang]


.....


esok ada seminar pharmaco.i read all those facts yang termaktub[wah3] dalam buku pharmaco hijau-kuning-kedah tu.tapi esok kalau ketaq lutut jugak,memang hands down,face down jugak lah.lepas tu kena lah marah dengan lecturer kau ayam.rasakan.


nauzubillah.mintak2 boleh jawab soalan2 esok dengan jayanya.

....


haa,sebenarnya,nak tulis pasal pilihan.melalut kau ayam.ish3.

pilihan.choices.okay fine sama aje dua tu.

manusia sekeliling selalu lihat pilihan sebagai perkara yang remeh.padahal,setiap pilihan yang dibuat,even sekecik hama pun,ada consequences yang tersendiri,bukan?

dan selalunya,manusia buat pilihan,bila ada dalam situasi yang memerlukan pilihan dibuat.faham?baca pelan2.

okay.senang cerita,manusia lebih suka kalau dalam hidup dia,ada masa2 nya dia diberi pilihan.kalau tak mau buat yang itu,dia boleh buat yang ini.dan selalunya juga,kalau boleh,mau banyak pilihan.lagi banyak,lagi bagus.sebab boleh pilih yang terbaik.yang dia rasa terbaik.

aku bagi contoh.

kau ada kelas esok.kau boleh pilih samada mau pergi,atau ponteng.dua2 tu ada kelebihan.

pergi=dapat ilmu
tak pergi=boleh study untuk benda lain,selain dari subjek yang diajar.

nampak?dua2 ada kelebihan.tapi antara dua tu,mana satu kau punya keutamaan?

pergi,atau tak pergi?[ouh yang ni sila jawab sendiri].

jadi,aku mau cakap,kalau nak buat pilihan,silalah lihat keutamaan nya.jangan main hentam pilih.but then,of course,we have to go back to takdir Allah.

pilih lah macam mana pun,kalau Allah takmau kabulkan,kalau Allah tak benarkan,tak jadi jugak.

kita belajar untuk buat pilihan.dan kita kena belajar untuk terima kenyataan.

...

sebenarnya,yang duk merapu pasal pilihan tu,sebab dah tak larat nak melayan hamba Allah ni haaa.suruh pilih macam2,tapi tak pernah nya fikir akibat pilihan yang dia suruh buat tu.dah la diri aku ni yang akan menanggung segala.

hmph.

....


diamlah ayam.