5 tahun lepas, tarikh yang sama aku bakal pergi tinggalkan India selama-lamanya (kalau mak tak bising nak beli saree lagi). 10th October 2008-10th October 2013.
5 tahun.
bukan sekejap. tapi tak lama. faham?
tak faham biarkan. benda benda macam ini,yang melibatkan hati perasaan memang susah nak tafsir. maka kita biarkan.
harap-harap nya Azian Hana jadi lebih matang, dan jadi orang baru lepas balik Malaysia ni. sebab sepatutnya 5 tahun tu dah boleh bentuk diri sendiri. umur pun dah nak menjangkau setengah abad. kan?
diam.
ni dah balik Malaysia, boleh renung langit lama-lama balik. duduk dekat India langit tak berapa nak berbintang. atau tak berapa nak feel bila kau dongak langit cari bintang,yang kau jumpa ialah asap kelabu sama bunyi keretapi berdentum dentum ketuk gegendang telinga kau. kan?
back to the root.
back to who i'm supposed to be with.
i had this particular habit,that i developed for past years. but it has stopped for almost 2 years now. started during form 3 in my secondary school.
what was it?
look up to the sky and counting the stars and god's blessings upon me.
but ever since i moved into my current apartment during my second year in India,i've stopped doing that. i don't know why and how i stopped from doing that.
and now, i'm regretting my decision.
back then,when i looked up and counted all the stars,i always felt this satisfaction, the feeling u felt when u managed to overcome something. let me tell you something. i've been keeping this as my darkest secret,but i guess it's safe to tell about it now.
i suffered an illness,a serious one, the one where i need to take medications on time,without fail and making various appointment with the doctors.and i had a very serious crisis in my family. and one of the causes is me. my illness. it wasn't an easy ride for all of us. all family members get involved, tears flowing out everywhere,everyday,every single day. the arguments in the family was the worst i've ever seen, and i felt like God is too cruel to me. i always questioned, if God is the one who will always help us,then why does God treats us like this? why me? why my family? and i went through my PMR with a lot of medications,self motivating books,and counseling from my friend. a friend. i must say.
a year later, i was free from the illness,and the doctors even confirmed with my parents that i'm all okay and may continued my usual life. and my family also got better. well, not in our best conditions, but at least there were not any shoutings,tears or fights anymore.
all was good until i got the illness back. during my first month in the final year as secondary student,sitting for SPM that year.
my mom was worried sick. my father was able to contain his feelings. i feel bad for the whole family,as i thought, 'am i going to wreck this family again? will i break their hearts again?" and most importantly, will i be able to go through all of this without fail? the pain i've suffered for 2 years are too painful, and mom brought me to anyone who knows (or might knows) what to do with my illness. everyone. u name it. various appointment were scheduled again, skipping classes again, and the series of "i'm-okay-don't worry-there's-nothing-wrong-with-me" excuses kept coming out from my mouth. we went all the way to Singapore to try everything they could do. and u maybe know nothing about this,but my family isn't rich, but we are not poor either. just enough money to make the living at that time. so i felt like i'm such a burden to my family,and i'm not the only child in my family. they were 6 of us at that time.
this time around,the 'thing' spread like crazy. i can't even do anything about it. always fainting in the class. my family even made secret visits to my hostel to check on me.my mom was so furious,she even sold her gold bracelets and everything,just to prepare,in case i need the big amount of money for the treatment. luckily,the operation was not needed,and with Allah's will, i went through a series of check ups, and with bottles of medications, pills in various colors, i managed to go through my SPM.
and 2 months after my SPM, i went to Makkah for umrah, and that's where i found the answers to my questions.
i didn't put my faith and hopes to Allah. i may put it,but not 100%.
upon reaching Malaysia 2 weeks later,after came back from Makkah, the doctors told me that i need to underwent surgery,but i still have other options. but the other one was a long,painful option.
and my mom,who was too afraid to put this useless child of hers onto the operation table,agreed to the second option. i was so naive and clueless at that time,so i just went with my mom's decision.
and Alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, Allah has yet put another mercy upon me,and graces me with his miracle. 6 months of painful series of treatment, i'm once again free from that thing.
and here i am, alive and breathing healthily. and selfishly, for always forgetting about the mercies given by my one and only God.
and from that moment onwards, i've always put my faith and 'kebergantungan' unto Allah as my priority,and He never fails to grant my wish. and i've learned that Allah and your own family are the ones you truly need.
and now,i feel like recreating my old habit. look up to the sky and count the stars and Allah's blessings upon me. and Thank Allah for all the things that came into my life for all these years,both good and bad things.
"You found me faster than the time I take to blink, you are indeed closer to me than my own jugular vein"
p/s: there's no such intention as 'membuka pekung didada' or whatever u might want to call this,but i just have this sudden urge to write this,since Ramadhan is coming in few days,so this is kind of a reflection for me.whenever i feel like complaining or anything,i will surely come here and read this,so that i'm reminded of all blessings i ever had in my life. stop complaining,and do something. Allah is with you. forever. and closer that your own jugular vein.
it's Monday,so let me whine about last week tragedy.
so many bad news in the past week. first,my exam marks went missing.because the clerk misplaced them so things were so messy, till the doctor decided to re-do the exam. and it's MEDICINE. i knew about the exam at 11.30am and the exam was supposed to start at 2.30pm. u do the maths then. i have to prepare my mind(and heart) for the exam.it was such a short notice.last minute decision by the doctors.
did my viva with the doctor,everything went smoothly until the doctor asked me what happened with my previous marks.how can they went missing without a trace. i felt so sad at that time,and depressed too,so i cried. i cried in front of the doctor. shame on you AzianHana.
i thought i was going to fail the exam, but Alhamdulillah, i passed it,even with just 7.5/10.
and then i got involved with an accident the day before the exam,twice in one week. had some bruises here and there on my bodies,but still able to attend classes,futsal and netball practices.
on last Saturday, the Summer Sweat 2012 started and alhamdulillah,again, we managed to get into the finals for futsal and netball.
and we won the gold for both futsal and netball. went home with a smile on my face, and bruises on my body.
so,at the end, what i can say is, life is unfair,but God is good.
alhamdulillah.rasa macam boleh jawab soalan community medicine tadi.tapi markah masih misteri.sungguh cuak.
tapi takpe.kita tinggalkan hal itu.sudah berlalu,yang pergi takkan kembali.eceh.tetiba.
okay.allow me to educate you about this one medical condition.
first,for us to have the normal skull,the neural tube need to fuse completely during the pregnancy.child with this disorder is born without the forebrain,and the brain tissue is exposed,without any protection from the skull.
ala nak cakap lebih-lebih terasa macam tak larat nak taip di sini.go google it okay?
dan baby ni lahir beberapa hari lepas.case ni bukan case pemilik blog,sebab sekarang pemilik blog posting di department ear,nose and throat(ENT).jadi tiap-tiap hari hanya ngadap telinga,hidung dan kerongkong.bukan baby.bukan.bukan.ini case kawan pemilik blog,sebab mereka posting OBG sekarang.
subhanallah.kalau tuhan dah kata kunfayakun,maka jadilah.kita merancang,tuhan yang tentukan.i know,this sounds so cliche,but it's true.
part of me want this baby to be alive,but part of me question his position in this world,even if he's alive.you know,it breaks my heart when i hear about any bad news,but i just can't stand the death of the innocent baby.
dengar cerita dari kawan2,baby ni tak banyak ragam pun.tidur je even orang ramai tenok and pegang dia.status samada still hidup or dah meninggal,tidak pemilik blog tahu.masih merisik khabar.
tapi bila fikir balik,tak apa lah.kalau tiada harapan hidup pun,paling tidak,dapat tengok muka ahli syurga.
:)
bila jumpa case macam ni,sebak bila ingat pasal ada anak yang tendang/pukul mak ayah sendiri,ada yang sanggup bunuh sebab kena tegur sikit dengan mak ayah,ada jugak kes bunuh diri sebab putus cinta.
ada otak sihat sempurna pun tak tahu fikir.
sad,isn't it?
maka marilah bersyukur untuk semua yang kita ada.biar tak handsome,tak cantik..tak apa.selagi pandai guna apa yang tuhan dah bagi,and tahu bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.biar tak cantik,tak kacak asal kan cukup jari tangan.asalkan ada hidung telinga muka.cukuplah.kan?
jenguk ke beberapa blog.dan aku lihat,beberapa itu sedang mengalami zaman kejatuhan yang aku kira,kerana masalah yang kecik.too small that we,people didn't even notice it.
apa?
kecewa.
dulu,aku selalu rasa kecewa.tak kiralah.dengan sendiri ke,manusia lain ke,cicak ke,kambing ke..but now,dah tak.aku jarang kecewa.ni bukan kecewa yang di sebut di mulut saja,tapi jugak disebut di hati.kecewa yang bukan sedikit.kecewa yang bukan main-main.kecewa yang sampai kau tidur masih sebut nama manusia yang buat kau kecewa.okay.tak terhad to manusia.kedang-kadang benda/perkara/masa or kejadian.
sekarang aku lain.
sebab bagi aku,kecewa,bukanlah perkara yang perlu.malah,perkara yang tak harus.sebab kecewa boleh bawak putus asa pada Rabb.pada Allah.
seluruh dunia ini,dan isi dunia ini,dah diciptakan untuk kita.manusia.semuanya.cuma cara kita guna mungkin ada hadnya,tapi secara umumnya,semua nya memang untuk kita.ambil analogi mudah ni.
tanah ditumbuhi rumput.rumput dimakan lembu.lembu disembelih dan dimakan oleh? manusia.
air datang dari sungai laut etc,mengalir ke empangan.elektrik dijanakan.siapa guna elektrik? manusia.
Allah cipta dinasour.dinasour mati jadi fossil dalam bumi.dari celah-celah rekahan Bumi,hasilnya petroleum.petroleum jadi minyak kereta.minyak kereta isi masuk ke dalam kereta.siapa guna? manusia.
banyak lagi contoh.tapi tu la.orang berfikir memang boleh rasa yang diri dia penting.diri dia memang tak layak untuk kecewa.memang tak layak nak kata;
"tak ada siapa nak geng dengan aku.tak ada siapa2 nak sedia untuk aku"
macam mana pulak tak ada,sedangkan seluruh alam ni untuk kau,manusia?
maka,la tahzan. JANGAN BERSEDIH.
kalau ada sesiapa tinggalkan kau,atau apa-apa jadi,seluruh alam masih ada untuk kau.dan yang paling betul,Allah ada.relaks2 aja.usaha mana perlu.baiki diri yang cela sini sana sikit.du'aa dan tawakkal.Allah ada.
siang tadi hujan batu.sakit semuanya.dan aku teringat dua benda.
kiamat.dan tentera Ababil yang kalahkan tentera gajah Abrahah.
tengok.Allah turunkan hujan ais batu untuk dihayati(even badan sakit-sakit time bawak motor,tapi pengajaran kena ambik jugak)dan untuk di fikirkan.kita tambah sikit penghayatan tentang volcano eruption.tak cukup?earthquakes sudah ada.tak cukup lagi?ambil Palestin dan Gaza sebagai contoh.masih tak cukup?go google "HAITI".
Ogie's birthday party was a blast.but,there was a real stupid yet hilarious mistake. turned out that the name on the cake had changed from OGIE to KRIS.
apakah??????
semua orang macam terkejut plus eh lawak sengal apa pulak ni?rupanya Kak We and Kotie silap ambil cake.that's why ada tulis nama orang lain atas cake tu.tak pasal-pasal.ahaha.
...
i skipped my surgery posting today.it wasn't my intention pun[okayyy fine.at first memang tanak pergi].but after pukul 6 pagi,sambung tidur sebab sakit kepala and mengantuk gila.
tapi bila bukak mata,dah pukul 12 tengahari.and i was like....apakah?
=.="
...
baru aja dapat berita yang Achik Spin meninggal dunia.inna lillahi wa inna lillahi rajiun.dari Allah kita datang,kepada Allah kita kembali.
...
dan terbaru,ada bombing near the MG Road.dekat stadium kriket.baru jadi siang tadi.
and now,everyone dah rasa unsecured. nak keluar rumah pun takut.but it's okay.Allah ada.kita akan dilindungi.bukankah Allah itu sebaik baik perlindungan?jadi inshaAllah semuanya selamat.
it's been a while since the last time i blogged about something serious.
okay.mari mula.
baru habis baca SINERGI by Hilal Asyraf tadi.a very very good book,untuk sesiapa yang tengah cuba mencari apa erti hidup sebenar.intipati nya,ialah KEIMANAN.dan aku suka bila keimanan yang diangkat menjadi core concept dalam sesuatu pembacaan.
macam kata seorang sahabat;
"buku tu macam buku dakwah,cuma dibawak melalui cerita"
dan aku rasa,itu bijak.lebih bijak lagi bila meletakkan IMAN sebagai asas semua perkara.lagipun,Allah dah terang-terang sebut dalam Al-Quran yang setiap umat manusia Islam ialah manusia yang beriman.kalau tidak,takkanlah dalam ayat pujukanNya,semuanya akan refer manusia as orang yang beriman.
jadi aku menungkan sejenak beberapa perkara demi kebaikan sendiri.
diri aku ini,berapa peratus imannya?tinggikah?rendahkah?sederhanakah?
dan benar.iman bertambah dan berkurang.sebab kita manusia biasa.
BERUBAH.
berubah bagi aku bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah.tapi tidak mustahil.semuanya bergantung ke diri sendiri.it's you who decide.tuan punya hati.bukan manusia lain.
bagi aku,perubahan secara berperingkat,dan perlahan-lahan tetapi istiqamah lebih besar maknanya dari berubah secara drastik,tetapi hanya sekadar sementara.betulkan yang mana kita rasa nak betulkan.jangan terlalu ikut orang lain.ukur baju di badan sendiri.lebih mudah dan efektif.
bergerak secara perlahan,tetapi teratur itu,lebih bermakna.
bagi aku lah.
dan takperlu hebahkan ke manusia lain yang kau mahu berubah.okay.perlu diceritakan ke orang yang lebih berilmu,atau kawan-kawan,supaya meraka boleh bimbing kau dengan lebih elok.cuma jangan nanti,dah diceritakan ke orang yang kau mahu berubah,tapi habuk pun tarak.
itu dah macam cakap tak serupa bikin.macam berjanji tapi tak mahu menepati.jangan mungkir janji.itu ciri manusia munafik.
SAHABAT BELAHAN JIWA bila aku baca mengenai Irfan dan Asid dalam Sinergi,automatik aku teringat Sarah.
kawan baik aku yang satu itu.aku dan Sarah,dulu di sekolah,sama macam Asid dan Irfan.
sayang kami susah mahu dicerita.sampai dilabel lesbian oleh manusia yang kurang faham.tapi itu kisah lama.tak apa.
dan benar,kami rapatnya sukar untuk dicerita.sampai malam,tidurnya sama masa dan tempat.paling aku suka,bila sama-sama Isya' dan tahajjud pukul 2,3 pagi.lepas itu,mesti akan ada sesi luahan perasaan dan masalah.dan selalunya,airmata aku yang menitis.iya,aku cengeng.haha.
kalau dulu,semua sahabat baik di sekolah dipanggil "jambu".sebab?taktahu.kenapa dipilih jambu,aku pun tatau.kalau panggil gajus pun best jugak,kan?haha.dan bila jambu,ke mana saja berdua.even ke tandas,mau ditemankan jugak.
tapi sungguh,aku rasa kuat sekuat kuatnya.untuk manusia yang kesihatan selalu diuji,dan emosi selalu dimainkan oleh hati yang selalu tak tenang,maka dia sumber kekuatan aku.sampai sekarang,dia masih salah satu sumber kekuatan aku.
dan aku mohon,untuk tahun-tahun seterusnya,kami masih sahabat baik yang akan ke syurga bersama.inshaAllah.ameen.
i have my first presentation for this new semester.and many more to come.but the interesting thing is,i got many wrong information.that made me got all wrong differential diagnosis on that patient.
i was giving all the details,the lumps are at the medial side of leg,no tenderness,itching..bla..bla..blaa..
then i said;
"it is likely to be neurofibromatosis.maybe..."
with a smile.and CONFIDENTLY.
but the actual problem turned out to be VARICOSE VEIN!
=.="
there's lot more to learn lah Azian Hana.work harder.
...
also,another incidence happened,which made me stop talking for a while and pondering upon it.
my classmates are all gone to eat and pray up to 1.30 pm.but the class should starts on 1pm. we all knew that.i was the first two people yang datang awal ke OPD Surgery hari ni,sebab tak pergi makan.after sembahyang,terus bergegas ke OPD.
we met the doctor who supposed to teach us for today.and he asked;
"where are other people?"
"they are praying.and get their lunch.maybe"
"Oh..you guys are praying.very obedient"
and we smiled.for a second,i thought;
"Alhamdulilllah,at least he doesn't get angry and scold us because of our duty"
but then,here comes the sentence,which made me stop smiling and started to think.
"Prayer is victory(sambil tunjuk ke arah desktop yang tertulis ayat tu as screensaver),but it DOESN'T gives you education"
then he laughed.
my friend and i dah diam tak terkata apa.
okay.maybe he just wants to make some jokes or anything,yet i'm still thinking bout it.
pengajaran from this story is?
i don't know.i'm still thinking about it.kan dah cakap.haishhh.of course lah prayer DID educate us,but the hujah on that yang aku tengah kumpulkan.
so,mari berfikir.do drop a comment if you have any say in this matter.well,it wouldn't harm you to think kan?
dengar-dengar nya,course MBBS di IMS ni akan dipendekkan.sebab all the super seniors,which should be done with their studies in 2012,will be back to Malaysia for good in 2012.means,internship di hospital sini akan dipendekkan kepada 6 bulan sahaja.maksudnya lagi,course MBBS yang aku ambik ni,hanyalah selama 5 tahun[hanyalah??!].yeay!boleh balik Malaysia awal!boleh kawen awal.eh tetiba plak.tak.tak.the point is,tak payah stay di India lama sangat.6 months is a longggggggg period okayyyy.pejam celik pejam celik takdenya habih macam tu aje 6 bulan tu.okay.tak realistik.=.='
back to the story.gembira memang gembira time dengar berita tu.eventough tak sure and belum di confirmkan secara bertulis oleh dean or pihak berkuasa.but still gembira.and at the same time,it makes me think a lot.at least for today lah.time main basketball pun terfikir gak benda ni.ish.
adakah masa selama 5 tahun itu nanti mencukupi untuk mempersiapkan diri aku dan rakan2,untuk menjadi doktor sejati?
sekarang ni,aku tak berapa nak yakin dengan aku ni.betul ke kau nak jadi doctor Azian Hana?Apesal gaya kau macam nak jadi writer je lebih ni?=.='
one friend of mine also has her own worries,according this issue.it seems like we are being too dependant on books.well,it is still early to make any assumptions,as we just entered our second year.but it has been 5 months already.and yet most of the clinical cases,seem too impossible to be solved.nak buat diagnosis pun merangkak rangkak.terms mudah pun tak boleh nak ingat lagi.plus banyak tahap apa aje semua nama drugs la.
and bila belajar pharmacology,bila belajar pasal adverse drug reaction tu..terperasan lah yang sebenarnya,belajar ni memang kena by heart.lillahi ta'ala.kerana Allah.bukan kerana exam.bukan main hentam hafal without knowing its true mechanisms an all.also not by memorizing the facts semata mata. dibuatnya tersalah bagi ubat,and nauzubillah,berlaku pulak adverse drug reaction,tak ke haru biru jadinya?akhirat nanti akan dipersoalkan semuanya.
yes.exam inshaAllah boleh lepas kalau macam tu,but then,when it comes to application,when it comes to do our very own duties..do we really capable of doing all that?could we?
remember,it's other people lives that we are talking about.yes.bukan depends on kita samada manusia tu sembuh tak dari penyakit,sebab semua tu Allah yang tentukan.tapi sebab kita dah memilih untuk menjadi penolong kepada manusia2 yang sakit.kita sebagai medium yang menyembuhkan.jadi kena usaha lebih.and of course,when it comes to usaha,there should be kebergantungan kepada Allah.and again,kebergantungan ni bukan nya kosong semata.kena ada usaha and percaya.
an islamic doctor.ingat lagi time mula-mula start program kat IMS ni.ada satu penceramah sebut,dari Malaysian Medical Council[agak2 nya ah.lupa dah];
"a doctor is a leader.the nurses and medical assistant are the soldiers.they work together to achieve their own goal,which is helping and curing people."
and of course,kena letakkan kekuasaan Allah untuk pulihkan tu di tempat paling atas.
dan sekarang,majority overseas students,attend usrah.tak kisah la dengan pihak mana.tak kisah la bincangkan pasal apa.tak kisah la apa medium dan cara.bagus.memang amatlah digalakkan.
tapi,apakah selepas habis belajar,masih mampu attend usrah2 sebegitu?apakah selepas habis belajar,bila dah busy dengan kerja atau keluarga,masih mampu cekalkan hati untuk kekalkan imej seorang doctor islam sejati?tepuk dada tanya..tak payah tepuk dada.buat sakit aje.duduk diam2,tanya diri sendiri.mampukah?dan bukanlah kehadiran diri ke usrah itu.kalau pergi tapi tak masuk apa2,tak dapat apa2 input tak guna jugak.yang penting dalaman.biarlah kukuh sekukuh kukuhnya.[wah,banyaknya perkataan kukuh.]
itu kita kena du'aa dan terus yakinkan diri agar kita mampu.dan ya.mampulah hendaknya.inshaAllah.
kenapa Azian Hana membebel pasal ni?dia rasa dah hebat sangat ke dia?banyak dah la tu study?
tak.
sebab benda ni asyik duk menekan pemikiran aku ni.aku tak lah manusia yang sangat2 rajin study.aku bukan lah manusia yang hebat tahap petala langit dalam bab2 menghafal segala macam.aku tak hafal pun nama drugs tu.aku tak ingat banyak terms mudah pun.
dan sebab aku ni.."tak"..kepada semua benda di atas,maka ini hanyalah peringatan,dari seorang manusia yang tak sempurna dan masih kurang serba serbi.
aku amat-amatlah risau dengan diri aku.taktau la kalau manusia seangkatan aku yang lain relax je ke apa,tapi aku tak.risau sebenarnya.
aku takut apa yang aku buat pada setiap saat,dan pada kemudian hari nanti akan dipersoalkan.
jadi marilah berusaha memperbaiki diri.perlahan lahan.tak payah belajar melulu tanpa memahami apa-apa.belajar,tak boleh macam jadi teko yang bocor.isi banyak air,tapi banyak juga yang keluar.akhirnya,tak ada apa yang tinggal.takkanlah nak jadi macam tu kan?
so,bersama sama lah kita bertabah dalam belajar,dan untuk semua yang bakal ditempuhi.
"wahai orang beriman,bersabarlah kamu dan kuatkanlah kesabaran.bersiap sedia lah di jalan Allah.orang yang bertaqwa di jalan Allah ialah orang yang beruntung"
[Ali 'Imran 3;200]
it ain't all jazz and waltz.it may turns into a breakdance.so just follow the steps,slowly and please believe in yourself.Allah always with you,and Allah surely helps you through each one of the steps you have taken.inshaAllah.
aku buat walking tadi.terjumpa ini.sengaja mau kongsi.
....
Last week, it was extremely cold....cold beyond imagination.It was so cold, they said these were temperatures we havent seen in more than a decade.Pipes froze and burst, many people lost electricity and many even died.There was ice everywhere.. .ice on the cars, ice on the trees, ice on the on the grass.When the arctic wind blew, it cut through to the bone. It hit across the face and numbed whatever it touched.
And as I felt the chilling effects of these below-freezing temperatures, I thought of Jahannum.
Yes, Jahannum.
Now, why would I remember Jahannum, one might ask, in this Siberian weather?
Isnt Jahannum fiery, burning and hot?
Yes. But, although Jahannum is a place known for its unimaginable heat, scorching blazes and sweltering fires, there are also places within it that are extremely cold, frigid and chilling.
So frigid are these places that it would burn and scorch and torture a person just as the severest fire would and worse.
And this extreme state of coldness in Jahannum is called Zamhareer.
The state of the Hell of Zamhareer is a suffering of extreme coldness, of blizzards and freeze for the people who will enter Jahannum. (May Allaah protect us from it).
Yet its coldness is not a pleasure or a relief to the sinners. Rather it is a severe punishment and burning torture which no one would ever be able to bear.
Ibnul Qayyim said about the following Ayah:
"Nothing cool shall they taste therein, nor any drink. Except boiling water, and Ghasaaqaa”
[Al Naba: 24-25]
It is Zamhareer, it burns them with its extreme cold just as it burns them with its heat. It was also stated by Mujaahid and Muqaatil that it is the peak of coldness. (Badaai al Fawaa-id)
Allaah mentions this Zamhareer when he talks about the rewards of the people of Jannah and how they are saved from its cold torture, its extreme frigidity and biting frost.
''They will recline on thrones. They will not see the excessive heat of the sun, nor the extreme bitterness of cold (Zamhareera).''
(Al Insaan 76 :13)
And the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:
“The Fire says: Master, some of me eats other parts, so grant me a breath (respite). Thus (the Fire) was granted a breath in the summer and a breath in the winter. So whatever you find of bitter cold or Zamhareer, thus it is from a breath of Jahannum, and whatever you find of heat or Haruur, thus it is from a breath of Jahannum”. (Muslim)
So what did the righteous people do when they experienced extreme cold winters and low temperatures?
They remembered this hadeeth and asked Allaah to protect them from Jahannum and its bitter cold as well as its severe heat.
Ibn Rajab said: “And from the virtues of winter is that it reminds one of the extreme cold of Hell and pushes one to seek refuge from it…"
So when winter comes along and the arctic wind blows and temperatures drop, use it as a reminder for the Aakhirah.
When your fingers and toes are so cold and numb, that you can no longer feel them and when your shake and shiver in the frigid weather, remember Zamhareer and its bitter coldness.
These winds, these extremes of temperatures, this ice and snow are signs amongst the signs of Allaah. They are reminders of our life to come and of the Aakhirah.
So seek refuge in Allaah from Jahannum and its heat and its coldness. Do all you can to stay away from it and do all you can to protect yourself from it. And never forget the Day when you will stand in front of Him and give account of all that you said and did.
The famous worshipper Raabiah said:
"I have never heard the adhaan except that I remember the caller who will announce the Day of Resurrection, and I never see the falling snow except that I imagine the flying pages of the records of peoples deeds (on that day), and I never see swarms of locusts except that I think about the Great Gathering on the Last Day." (Sifah Al-Safwah)
And Sufyan ibn Uyaynah said that Ibrahim at-Taymee said:
"I imagined myself in the Hellfire with its iron chains and blazing fire eating from Zaqqoom (a tree in hell with exceedingly bitter fruit), and drinking from its Zamhareer (a bitterly cold drink), so I said "O my soul what do you long for?"
It replied "To return to the world and perform a righteous action by which I will be saved form this punishment".
I also imagined myself in Paradise with its Hoori dressed in silken garments (of Paradise) with gold embroidery.
I said "O my soul! What do you long for?"
It said "To return to the world and perform a righteous action by which this reward will increase."
So I said to myself "You are in the world and (surrounded by) aspirations" .
O Allah, we seek Your refuge from the torment of Jahannum,from its Zamhareer(coldness) as well as Haruur(heat).
"Dan Muhammad hanyalah seorang Rasul;sebelumnya telah berlalu beberapa rasul.Apakah jika dia wafat atau dibunuh,kamu akan berpaling ke belakang(murtad)?Barangsiapa berbalik ke belakang,maka ia tidak akan merugikan Allah sedikitpun. Allah akan memberi balasan kepada orang yang bersyukur."
[Ali 'Imran 3;144]
Rasulullah SAW memang telah tinggalkan kita lama dahulu,tapi ditinggalkan kita dengan 2 benda yang cukup untuk kita pelajari darinya; Al Quran dan As Sunnah.
perjuangan jalan menuju Allah ini masih jauh dan perlu diteruskan.
jadi percaya,dan buka langkah sama-sama.
Selamat menyambut hari kelahiran baginda Muhammad,Rasulullah SAW.
dunia.kalau kau kejar isinya,tidak akan pernah puas.tidak akan.sama dengan manusia.kalau kau cari kesempurnaan dalam manusia itu,kau tidak akan jumpa.sebab sempurna itu hanya milik Allah.apa yang kita boleh buat ialah,jadi sebaik yang mungkin.tapi jalan menuju benda benda baik selalunya penuh dengan dugaan.jadi bagaimana ni?
jangan panik.dah nama pun manusia.iman menurun dan menaik.jadi sudah lumrah.yang mampu dibuat hanyalah cuba untuk kekalkan iman kita.cuba cuba dan terus cuba.dan iman kita bukanlah diukur berdasarkan labuhnya tudung.iman kita tak diukurkan berdasarkan banyaknya hadith yang dihafal.iman kita tak diukur berdasarkan status kita.orang yang beriman itu percaya dengan hati,mengaku dengan percakapan dan melaksanakan dengan perbuatan yang memang dah ditetapkan.kita sendiri tahu setakat mana diri kita ini.tak perlukan penilaian manusia lain.tepuk dada tanya jiwa.
dari dulu orang heboh mau mencari si isteri atau suami sempurna.heh.mau yang sempurna aje.sedangkan diri sendiri asyik hanyut ikut arus dunia sementara.kan dah difirmankan oleh Allah;
perempuan yang keji ialah untuk lelaki yang keji.lelaki yang keji untuk perempuan yang keji juga.sedangkan,perempuan yang baik ialah untuk lelaki yang baik-baik,dan lelaki yang baik-baik ialah untuk perempuan yang baik-baik pula.Mereka itu bersih dari apa yang dituduh orang.mereka memperoleh ampunan dan rezeki yang mulia(syurga)
[An-Nur 24;26]
jadi jangan mencari si baik.jadilah si baik yang akan diberi si baik juga.InshaAllah.
[oh sengaja sebut hal ni sebab ramai sungguh yang sedang rusuh hatinya runsing tidak dapat si sempurna]
hati.
dalam banyak-banyak organ dalam badak kita,bagi aku,hati yang paling susah mau dijaga.[perut senang sikit.dapat makanan dia diam :P]
tipulah kalau aku kata hati ni senang nak dijaga.sebab walau berdepan dengan benda harian yang kecik sebesar zarah sekalipun,hati dulu yang akan berdetik.baru otak.dan senangnya hati untuk menyimpan prasangka ialah sesuatu yang kita sendiri tentukan.prasangka itu boleh datang dalam keadaan baik atau pun buruk.dan prasangka baik itu amat bagus.lega kan bila hati kita boleh bersangka baik dengan manusia lain?
jadi macam mana mau hati ni ingat benda yang baik aje?
mulakan dengan bersangka baik dengan semua orang.don't judge a book by its cover.never ever.walau kita kata kita dah kenal manusia tu untuk tempoh yang amat lama,tak semestinya apa yang kita tau tentang manusia itu benar semuanya.kadang kadang telahan kita terhadap manusia itu tak mungkin benar.
mahu lebih tenang?banyakkan selawat.banyakkan zikir kepada Allah.ini petua yang amat bagusssss dan terbukti keberkesanannya.kenapa bila zikir hati kita tenang?jawab sekarang jawab.
lihat secara logiknya.bila berzikir,ucapan ucapan zikrullah itu semuanya bermaksud baik.walau hanya menyebut Ya Latif sahaja sekalipun,maksudnya sudah cukup untuk menyampaikan bahawa kita memohon sesuatu yang baik.Ya Latif bermaksud yang lembut.jadi InshaAllah akan dilembutkan juga hati kita.dan hati kita ini,Allah yang pegang.maka bila ada sesuatu yang tidak baik menghuni hati kita,maka serahkan kepada Allah,minta dihapuskan rasa itu.
dan semestinya apa yang hati kita rasakan,harus disertakan dengan perbuatan yang baik.mana mungkin hati jadi tenang kalau diri dan anggota badan luaran yang lain sedang buat maksiat.itu kontradiksi namanya.
...
kenapa aku menulis begini?
sometimes i did something because i want to do it.
it's almost midnight,yet i'm sitting and writing here.btw,tomorrow is friday.yeah.i know.
it's 4-hours-straight-lectures!yippie!
=.='
but i have good news too.cause i'm done already with my paediatric practical exam,so i can go back at the afternoon, walaupun esok sepatutnya ada posting..syukur boleh balik awal.boleh balik and bukak slide paediatric,and bersengkang mata sepanjang petang,sebab lusa,hari Sabtu,iya,SABTU,akan ada exam theory for paediatric plak.
zzzZZZzzz..
bosan gila Azian Hana blog kau.asyik cakap pasal exam.
but what am i supposed to do?i really have tests,everyday.
oh yea,bercakap mengenai ujian,semalam,some of my friends di uji Allah.
ada yang hilang bag,books.but yang hilang bag tu,hilang segala macam kad bank,kad insurans,passport and all.PASSPORT?!means she has lots of things to do to get her passport back.
aku doa kau dapat balik barang-barang kau.kalau nak ambik duit,ambiklah.but not the passport.
the exact incident was hilarious.okay,not.because my friends are the ones who lost their things.but the fact that the thief actually managed to grab 3 books along with the bag,just maybe to pretend that he/she is a very hardworking or good student.poor Kak We just came back home with her sour face.and she did cry[real cry] for her Microbiology book.gone away the book fulled with sticky notes and scribbles.
but there's always a reason.everything happens for a reason.HIKMAH.
we went through our days,not knowing what will happened to us.but Allah knows everything.kalau dah "kun fayakun" kataNya,maka jadilah.dan tidaklah Allah uji kamu dengan sesuatu yang kamu tak mampu tanggung[2;286].
for every step that we take,there's always a consequences.either good or not,that is not for us to decide.but of course,the way you take your step is important,for it's considered as our efforts.and inshaAllah,if our efforts are enough,and along with du'aa and tawakkal,then you'll get a good ending.but if you don't,that doesn't mean that it's the end of your life.maybe your efforts aren't enough.or maybe you are doing it wrong.or maybe,your "kebergantungan" kepada Allah is not sufficient.[oh i loveeeeeee when Iffah quote this time usrah tadi.a very2 good reminder.indeed.]
usaha sehabis daya,betul betul punya usaha,tambah dengan du'aa yang tak putus-putus,and letak sekali rasa tawakkal kepada Allah dengan apa yang kita dah usaha.InshaAllah,diizinkan semuanya berlaku ikut apa yang kau perlu.
you asked for the sun,but Allah gives you rainy days.you cried your heart out,and felt like it's the end of your stories.but you saw the rainbow appears after the rain.unintentionally,you smiled like nothing ever happened.you took a step and never looked back.
what doesn't kill you only will makes you stronger,isn't it?
Allah knows,dear.just be a good slave,and Allah will gives you the things that you need.
for my friends,i'll pray for all of you.
:)
p/s: the title of this post is Gatorade because..i really wanna drink it now,in the middle of the night.[okay,kenapa ayat aku macam ayat karangan english tingkatan dua cekal?heh.]
esok exam clinical paediatric.lusa pharmaco.lepas tu ada exam patho lagi.sungguh busy.tapi masih ada masa online.apakah ini Azian Hana?
siang tadi ada Community Medicine.we all went to the cafe[the last place i ever want to go to eat,and if i left without any other choices,i would rather choose not to eat.muahaha].
well,the field visit went well.all good.and the report session was superb.everyone had their own moment,by volunteering.and i did that.can you believe it?i went to the front,because i thought;
"let me just be a good girl.for once"
so,i got up from my seat,and walked to the front.then bla,bla,bla..giving report on the cleanliness of the kitchen at the cafe.everything was great,when suddenly...
Mr. P: Give me infections caused by cockroaches.[looking at me].
Me: Me?erk..i don't know.
Mr. P: you don't know?
is he deaf or something?
Me: Erm..haaa..TB!
confidently.innocently and cheerfully.
Mr. P : WHAT?TB???!!!
and then he laughed at me.loudly.
and i felt like a stupid at the very same moment.
then,he also told us about the Typhoid Mary.please mark his words;
"did you know that this person named Mary had act as a salmonella carrier.and she killed 900 people during 17th century?"
all gasps and whoaaaaaa.seriously,i believe his words.
then after i got back from college,i googgled about the infections caused by the cockroaches.
and i found this;
"You still have some strong reasons for killing cockroaches. The creeps carry several ugly viruses and diseases: including leprosy and even bubonic plague. Cockroaches also carry Salmonella. Salmonella can cause tuberculosis, hepatitis, and typhoid fever. And if that isn't enough, cockroaches can carry the eggs of parasitic worms."
oh,oh and i did search for Typhoid Mary,and i found this;
"Mary Mallon (September 23, 1869 – November 11, 1938), also known as Typhoid Mary, was the first person in the United States to be identified as a healthy carrier of typhoid fever. Over the course of her career as a cook, she is known to have infected 53 people, three of whom died from the disease. Her notoriety is in part due to her vehement denial of her own role in spreading the disease, together with her refusal to cease working as a cook. She was forcibly quarantined twice by public health authorities and died in quarantine. It is possible that she was born with the disease, as her mother had typhoid fever during her pregnancy."
again.his attitude of exaggerating things annoys me the most.that's one concrete reason for me to hate Community Medicine classes.plus with all burdens of the record books.
below is an article copied from iluvislam and Atap Hijau.try to read between the lines.InshaAllah jumpa banyak benda yang bermakna.mungkin akan kena batang hidung,mungkin akan rasa panas bila baca,tapi sungguh,jika itu yang terbaik untuk kamu,mengapa masih tidak mahu mengaku?
enjoy reading people.
May Allah blesses us.InshaAllah.
Ameen.
..........
There’s a quote from Yasmin Ahmad’s Talentime that I love the most. It sounds like this;
" If the Moon can linger in the morning so bright, why can’t the Sun do the same at night? "
As I was walking back from my clinical rotation in Bons Secours Hospital today, the day was very beautiful and sunny, so I looked up to the blue sky spotted with white fluffy clouds to enjoy every moment of it and I realized the moon is still there not even hiding behind the clouds at 11.30 a.m.
And so I remembered the quote from the movie and yes, it’s true. The Moon even lingers up till noon when the day is very sunny. But it would not even appear on a gloomy rainy day when the Sun is hiding not showing himself. So I started to have this kind of imagination and fantasy about the Sun and the Moon.
For me, I always think, the Sun as a male as it portrays the Masculine features of strong, bright but sometimes could be very vulnerable. The Moon on the other hand is the female, with endless beauty, very serene to look at but could be very lonely. They made a very good and perfect couple, like it was destined from Heaven.
Have you ever thought that the Sun and the Moon are actually lovers?
Why not?
I mean because the Sun and the Moon are just like Adam and Eve. Without the Sun, the Moon will never exist to us as it only reflected the light from the Sun. So did Eve who was made from Adam’s rib, created to fill the spaces between Adam’s fingers. What a lovely couple the Sun and the Moon are, just like how lovely Adam and Eve were. Both couples were created in Heaven to shine upon all the mankind. It’s just that the love of the Sun and the Moon existed much longer before the love of Adam and Eve and their love persisted until today.
If the love of Adam and Eve is brought down from one generation to the next and the love breed filling every corner of the earth from the seed of love of Adam and Eve, the Sun and the Moon is different. Their love existed from the beginning of the world till the Day of Judgment and it will never change and it will never breed. Human’s Love blossoms from loyalty but can be full of cheat, treacherous and bitter to each other. But the Sun and the Moon always loyal to each other since the dawn of time up till now. Their love just never fades away like our love. That is the true power of Love.
Sadly, the Sun and the Moon live in separation. Never be able to live together like we did. No matter how strong their love is, they are not destined to be together in this lifetime. The Sun will appear on the day to shine on the mankind but the Moon can only appear in the night to entertain the heartbroken ones. One day the Moon said to the Sun;
“Oh my Love, you shine on the humans and made them happy for the rest of the day, and I will entertain them and give them a sense of peace and happiness in the night while they are making love, but truly I am lonely myself. You are never in my company. Will we be able to hold hands together like the human did?”
And so the Sun replied;
“Oh my Dear, I’m not trying to shine on them, but rather I’m shining my love on you so that you are not lonely. My light will make you glow beautifully and your beauty will make every eyes of the girls filled with envy and jealousy. We live in a world apart but I will always shine my love for you forever until The Lord Almighty bring us together in the Heaven.”
The Moon is satisfied with the answer but never content with it. She loves the Sun so much that it is unbearable for her to live in separation.
One day, the Moon thought to herself, my heart must never falter and I must be strong in order to be with the Sun. From today on, I will linger on the sky until morning just to see the Sun even if it’s only for a while. The Moon was trying to show and prove her endless love to the Sun. So she stays every morning until noon just to have a brief moment with the Sun even her light is never the same as the night time. Her beauty is fading by the morning and she is sad that she cannot show the Sun her beauty. Even both of them appear on the same morning, they can only look at each other from a distant. They can never be closed enough to hold hands or to embrace each other tightly. Even so, the Moon was very happy because they got to see each other. Sadly for the Sun, he can only see the pale face of the Moon starring at him every morning, not that brightly glowing and the beautiful Moon. So the Sun asked the Mon;
"Oh my Love, why do you look so pale and sad?"
The Moon replied;
“Oh my Love, I’m sad because I can’t be with you and above of all, I’m pale because you are shinning so bright. You showered me with so much love that it caused me so much pain just to think that I’m not with you.”
The Sun is confused so he asked the Moon;
“Oh my Love, do you want me reduce my love for you so that you can light up the morning sky with your glow and smile?”
Listening to that, the Moon said quickly;
"Oh my Love, Never. If you don’t shine your love on me then I will forever be in the dark even at night and the scar on me will never heal.”
So the Sun and the Moon continue to live like that. The Sun will shine the earth every day and when the night comes, the lonely Moon will try to cast the loneliness of the humans away. They got to see each other every morning and then they’ll be separated again. So the Moon is becoming greedier. She longs for the Sun every moment and watching him from a far every morning is not enough anymore.
So, the Moon asked the Sun again;
"Oh my Love, If I can linger in the morning so bright, why can't you do the same at night? If you are present at night, I can always show you my beauty."
Hearing to the question, the Sun becomes clueless and don’t have the answer himself. He also wonders why can’t he shine at night. After giving some thought about it, the Sun replied;
"Oh my dear, have you forgotten the Words of Allah from the Holy Book of Al-Quran?"
So the Sun recited a verse of Al-Quran from Az-Zumar verse 5.
He has created the heavens and the earth with truth. He makes the night to go in the day and makes the day to go in the night. and He has subjected the sunand the moon. Each running (on a fixed course) for an appointed term. Verily, He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving.
Listening to the verse, the Moon burst into tears and asked for Forgiveness from the Lord Almighty as she was trying to defy the rules of creation. Allah has made their destiny as so. She realizes that she could never be together with her beloved Sun. All she can do is to watch him from a far with pale, and sad eyes.
To ease the sadness of the Moon, the Sun then recited a verse from Al-Qiyamah, verse 9.
...and the sunandmoon will be joined together (by going one into the other or folded up or deprived of their light).
“Oh My Love, there will be time when we will be together. Please be patient",the Sun said.
So the Moon and the Sun has been waiting and waiting until the Lord Almighty wishes them to meet each other.
The Sun and The Moon’s love is a very tragic love. Loving each other but never able to be together. There’s always that kind of love in this life that will never be able to be together in this world and surely Allah will grant your love wishes in the Heaven. Fate is in the Hand of Allah and Destiny is Allah’shaq for his servants. There will be time when your love will be realized. If Dunia Cinta is not for you, then Syurga Cinta is waiting for you. Adam and Eve met in Jabal Rahmah after years of searching and Allah fulfilled their love wishes. Just like the Sun and the Moon. Their love is destined to be together on the Day of Judgment. Allah has promised in Al-Qiyamah, when the Day of Judgment occurred is the time when the Sun and the Moon will meet. Oddly for them, in the chaos of the end of the world is the time for them to be happy forever.
For the love that is never to be realized in this world, I’m praying to God to give us the strength to be patient until the love comes to realize in the Paradise full of Happiness. Just wait like how the Sun and the Moon has been waiting for each other from the beginning of the world until the End of the World. Whenever you are tired of waiting, think of how long the Sun and the Moon have been waiting.
Remember Allah’s promise to those who are patient;
And those who remain patient, seeking their Lord’s Countenance, perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and spend out of that which We have bestowed on them, secretly and openly, and defend evil with good, for such there is a good end. (Ar-Rad, 22)
And also, for the unmarried couple who are so in love with each other, there’s a boundary of which you can’t cross. Never to touch what is not yours. Never take it too far until you are lost with love of lust until it became Nafsu Cinta. Just like the Moon and the Sun, they wait with patient for the time, so you should do the same. Your time will come when you tie the knot and you can touch whatever that is yours. Love is a form of Test from Allah. The lovey dovey thing would be for nothing and fruitless if it’s not purify with Ikhlas only for Allah’s sake. You want to harvest the sweetest fruit (pious children) coming out of your love. If you fail the test of love, then you would not reach the Paradise, do you? Patient is definitely what being tested in love. And those who are pious should be able to excel the test well. First Class Honors maybe.
Do you think that you will enter Paradise before Allah tests those of you who fought (in His Cause) and (also) tests those who are As-Sabirun (the patient)? (Ali-Imran, 142)
A woman is only halal for you when you marry her. Even if you change your Facebook status countless time, announcing you are now in relationship with that girl or that boy, nothing ever changes between you and her. Both of you remains ‘Haram’ for each other. So does engagement. Engagement would not automatically says she is ultimately yours. As I said before, marriage is the only way that you and your loved ones can act, live and love as a couple.
Allah saw said in Al-Quran :
Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils) ~ (Al-Isra’, 32)
And the Prophet described what is the form adultery from the Hadith.
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: I did not see anything so resembling minor sins as what Abu Huraira said from the Prophet, who said, “Allah has written for the son of Adam his inevitable share of adultery whether he is aware of it or not: The adultery of the eye is the looking (at something which is sinful to look at), and the adultery of the tongue is to utter (what it is unlawful to utter), and the innerself wishes and longs for (adultery) and the private parts turn that into reality or refrain from submitting to the temptation.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Love is a funny thing, can be dangerous, can be tricky, can be a-long-tiring-endless-waiting, but if you love the right way you will surely touch the Heaven of Earth and the Heaven in the Hereafter.
p/s : Cinta Ilahi,sesuatu yang kita harus benar2 cuba untuk memperolehi.
i just had an awesome evening with the sisters here.in Bangalore.specifically,dekat rooftop Dwellington Apartment Blok C.dari batch super junior[oh,oh,bukan SuJu korea tu,ni SuJu batch ke 4],batch Mighty Apes,Second batch and of course,batch super seniors.kali ni istimewa,sebab ada Kak Aishah and Kak Syaf dari ISMA.and,and ada baby!anak Kak Aishah.comel lote sungguh budak kecik tu.serious rasa nak godek2 cubit pipi sampai lebam.tapi anak orang kan,tak boleh tak boleh.
majlis mula dengan..MAKAN-MAKAN.iya.sampai2 aje terus baca du'aa makan.Alhamdulillah!sungguh banyak makanan,sampai tak tau nak pilih yang mana.bihun sup,roti jala,kuih cara,puding roti,puding karamel,kek batik..arghh..banyak lagilah!
dah kenyang,start sembahyang Maghrib berjemaah.then sembahyang hajat,since akak2 seniors and batch aku sendiri akan ada exams on March.ada tazkeerah yang Kak Syaf sampaikan. lepas tazkeerah,sembahyang Isya' berjemaah.syahdu rasanya bila kumpul ramai2 macam tu.sebab tak selalu kami semua[the whole sisters berkumpul].
tazkeerah tadi is on TAWAKKAL.
tawakkal ialah berserah kepada Allah selepas berusaha.
bukan benda senang,tetapi tak mustahil.
aku tak tahu bagaimana mahu ulaskan,aku tunggu dia ini huraikan,supaya kamu,kamu dan kamu,boleh fahaminya dengan lebih jitu dan benar.
semalam angin gila datang.aku macam hilang akal sekejap.aku macam lupa yang aku bukan manusia hebat dan gagah seperti yang aku selalu ingatkan saban malam.aku macam lupa yang aku masih ada Dia.
mujur tak lama gila aku.10 minit berteleku di meja belajar,bertemankan headphone gabak yang aku biarkan Someday;Nickelback berbunyi kuat.sangat kuat.full volume.10 minit sebegitu,aku diamkan semua hambur melalui airmata.sungguh saat itu,aku rasakan,aku sudah tidak mahu usaha.sungguh saat itu,aku rasakan,aku sudah tidak ada daya.
tak lama.10minit telinga dibiarkan dengan muzik sekuat tahap petala ke 8,ia jadi berdesing.tak tahan,aku langkahkan kaki ke bilik air.di dalam itu,aku hamburkan airmata.betapa aku sedar,semua kekuatan yang aku kumpul selama bertahun ini,masih belum cukup kalau mahu dikira.belum cukup.dan takkan pernah cukup,aku rasa.
lalu apa lagi yang aku mesti buat untuk terus berdiam tanpa buat semua benda2 celaka yang aku pernah buat bertahun dulu?
aku belek sony e biru,dan disitu,aku jumpa sesuatu yang aku sendiri tidak sangka.mesej yang disampaikan,biar ringkas,cuma 2 patah perkataan,masuk jauh ke dalam jiwa.dan aku rasakan,terlerai semua kusut dan hambur yang aku mau keluarkan.
dan kepada Dia,pemilik hati aku,yang diremukkan,pemilik mata aku,yang bengkak macam diserang tebuan dek menangis,telinga aku,yang aku seksa dengan bunyi berdesibel tinggi tadi..kepada Dia aku tunduk dan mohon,dengan sepenuh penuh harapan.aku mohon diletakkan kembali aku ini di jalan yang betul.aku mohon dikuatkan lagi jiwa aku ini.aku mohon diwaraskan sedikit lagi akal aku.mohon dengan sebenar benar mohon.
dan Ar-Rahim menunjukkan kasih sayangNya dengan cara paling halus.aku jumpa ini,saat aku meruntun sayu mohon diri boleh dihidupkan lagi,biarpun hanya sehari.
"wahai orang-orang yang beriman,bersabarlah kamu,dan kuatkan kesabaranmu,dan tetaplah bersedia(di perbatasan negeri-negerimu) dan bertaqwalah kepada Allah agar kamu beruntung"
[Ali-Imran 3;200]
apa yang dikuis di sini,bukan tujuannya untuk menunjuk;
"wah,dia ni bagus.tetap ingat Tuhan"
BUKAN.
aku sudah cakap,di sini,kotak hitam kecil aku ini,aku khaskan untuk peringatan sendiri.dan jika ada yang membaca,aku harapkan,dia juga diingatkan.tak perlu fikirkan aku.fikirkan hanya bait-bait ayat aku.aku tak pernah paksa.sungguh.
